fictional men shouldn’t just be fictional
do you really want to know what makes fictional men so great?
it’s not the jacob’s ladder. the six-pack. the billionaire bank account.
while those are all great, let’s be serious for a second.
it’s the way he cares.
he takes the time to know her. what scares her. what makes her laugh. when she needs help and when she needs everyone to leave her the fuck alone.
he remembers something she said three chapters ago and does something about it.
and somehow we’ve decided that part is the fantasy?
the six-pack is optional. paying attention is not.
i love a fictional man with an unreasonable amount of money and absolutely nowhere to be except wherever she is. obviously.
but underneath all of that, the thing that gets me is usually so much smaller.
- he notices she’s overwhelmed.
- he follows through without needing six reminders.
- he learns what makes her feel safe.
- he cares about her pleasure.
- he makes it clear that he wants her.
not just when they’re having sex. not just when he thinks he might get to have sex.
on a random tuesday. when she’s stressed. when being there for her requires a little more effort than sending “damn that sucks.”
you don’t need a billionaire bank account to ask how her day went and actually listen to the answer.
protective is hot. respecting her is hotter.
i love a man who takes the lead. makes a plan. handles something without turning it into another thing she has to manage.
that masculine energy? yes. into it.
but taking the lead means paying attention to the person you’re supposedly doing all of this for.
does she want you to step in? does she want advice? does she just need you to listen while she loses her shit for a minute?
learn the difference.
and when it comes to her body, no fucking means no.
not convince me. not ask another four times. not make me feel guilty until saying yes seems easier.
no.
the fictional man who establishes a safeword before anything even happens? who checks in? who makes it clear she can change her mind?
yes. that part.
a safeword isn’t a loophole around listening, either. if she says stop, pulls away, or seems uncomfortable, you stop and check in.
feeling safe enough to say what you want, and what you don’t want, is hot.
i know they’re not perfect. that’s part of the point.
fictional men can be mean. stubborn. emotionally constipated for an exhausting number of pages.
i have loved men on paper who would require several conversations and possibly a restraining order in real life. i know the difference. reading something does not mean i want it happening in my kitchen.
but the part i keep coming back to is what happens when he has to do better.
when he listens. when he owns what he did. when caring about her changes how he treats her.
i’m not asking for a man who never gets anything wrong.
i’m asking why “well, nobody’s perfect” keeps getting used to excuse someone who has absolutely no intention of trying.
men, you have one fairly significant advantage
you are actually fucking real.
you can show up.
you can put the phone down. plan the date. remember the flowers. apologize properly. do the thing you said you would do.
you can make someone blush in person.
the fictional man is trapped on page 287. you have a car and her number. please work with me here.
you do not have to compete with every elaborate scene an author can dream up. you can build something a book can only describe.
a relationship with an actual person who feels known, wanted, and cared for.
that is a pretty good place to start.
and yes, it should go both ways.
i want to be clear about that.
i love love. i love the idea of two people making each other’s lives better because they want to.
when someone shows up for you consistently, there should be room for you to show up for them too. learn them. care for them. make them feel wanted.
that doesn’t mean affection is payment for good behavior. being considerate doesn’t buy you sex, and doing everything “right” doesn’t make someone owe you a relationship.
but mutual effort? mutual desire? both people thinking, how can i make your day a little better?
that’s what i want.
if you like taking the lead, take some initiative. if you pride yourself on solving problems, help with the ones she actually wants help solving.
there are so many ways to care about someone.
pick a few. follow through.
show tf up.
i’m tired of the conversation being about whether women expect too much because they read romance.
if your girlfriend reads smut and you’re still trying to figure out what to do with that, i have two pieces of advice for you.
sometimes what we’re responding to is a man who listens, remembers, respects a boundary, and makes an effort.
and i refuse to believe that only exists in fiction.
keep the six-pack as a bonus. make the care the standard.
see… let the results speak for themselves.
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